Being Ignored.

When I was around 13-14 one of my personalities started really coming out and around. My mother didn’t understand what was happening, but was incredibly unhappy. Anytime this personality came out(lets call her Luci), she’d get angry and tell her to wipe that look off her face. Luci became more bitter towards my parents. Anytime she was around them, she’d try hard not to appear grimacing, or “giving a go to hell look”. Over time she got good at it. Eventually though, my mom found out that she existed by going through my phone. She was furious and at one point said, “Luci is not my daughter.” This was heart breaking for Luci. I guess that’s when she really realized she was different.

My mother told me that I needed to stop talking about her, stop calling her Luci. Take away her name, take away her power. Just pretend she didn’t exist. Even if I did that, Luci would still call herself Luci. She would still be there stewing about. I decided I couldn’t just ignore a part of myself, and I wouldn’t treat this like a shameful addiction.

People won’t always understand, and some people might be afraid. Just remember, we’re all just human beings doing what humans do. Wanting love, wanting acceptance.

Personalities and Their Sub-Disorders

It is common for a personality to have a disorder, such as ADHD, OCD, anxieties, depression, etc. I know a few personally that have these issues. One of my friends suffers constantly from depression and suicidal tendencies. Now this is more of a problem when it’s the “main” personality.

The main personality is the one who represents the body. Usually they are out the most, or at least when they wake up. They take the name given to them from their birth-certificate.

When the main personality suffers from a disorder such as depression, most often they start coming out less and less, letting their other personality/personalities out more, and thus, taking over their lives. Medication is something I strongly recommend against in this predicament. I’ve noticed that medication (SSRI drugs for treating mental disorders) affects people with MPD in different ways, causing more issues.

When a personality suffers from their own disorder that doesn’t effect anyone else, I call it “sub-disorders”. Sub-disorders can cause a personality to not want to come out so much, and remain dormant for long periods of time. Having some kind of support system is a good idea for these cases. Other personalities want their own lives too, and feel frustrated when something like anxieties get in the way. Having someone they can trust and talk to, I’ve noticed, helps tremendously.

If you have any questions, or stories of your own experiences, feel free to leave a comment. I look forward to hearing from other people.

Switching

I’ve had a lot of inquiries on how we switch, what triggers one to switch, and what it’s like. Well, it’s a lot like an elevator ride. Or, for others, like opening a door. Let me set one thing straight here, we can purposefully switch, just about when ever we want. Why would one want to do that though? Why not just stay you forever? Because after prolonged periods of time one gets mentally exhausted, or it becomes very uncomfortable.

How do we switch? I believe it’s like looking for a memory inside your head. Closing one’s eyes helps concentrate on the thing you’re looking for, and eventually you might be able to find it. With switching I personally have to close my eyes, and I feel around in my head. I know where the personalities are located, and I can usually reach them. When I find them, I can feel their energy, and let them come into focus, allowing me to go back to my spot.

As for triggers, I’ve had a personality randomly switch for what seemed like no reason, or I’ve had one switch when I have felt in danger, or terrified. Triggers can differentiate among people.

A lot of people have said, “People with MPD can’t just switch.” Well, they can. The other personality though can keep one from reaching them. That’s like locking a door. In this case, the person trying to switch probably wont be able to. I suggest just giving it time.

One thing that’s common with me, and what I’ve seen around other people, is that sometimes they get “stuck”. Being stuck is when you cannot switch with anyone. You can feel the mental strain, and it’s quite uncomfortable. The more you try to switch, the more painful it can be. There’s nothing anyone can really do at this point but wait. The longest I’ve ever been stuck about approximately one week.

If anyone has any of their own experiences, please leave a comment. I’d love to hear about them.

Mental Appearances

Every time you look in the mirror you see yourself. You don’t think much of it, you hair might be messier than usual, but it’s the same as always. You are you. Now, when someone else is out and about, they think they look differently than what they actually look like.

Instead of having long brown hair, they think they should have shorter curly red hair.

Instead of being short, they should be 6″2.

Instead of being human, they’re a demon.

Physical descriptions change drastically among personalities, and this can cause issues. They might want plastic surgery to fit their ideal looks, they might get tattoos, or spend money on clothing that you don’t really want. I suggest, instead of trying to control what they do, let them change their hair, let them express themselves. I’m not saying get plastic surgery, but if you’re open to the idea of tattoos, find one you both can agree on. Personalities have a lot of issues with this, with wanting to express themselves, especially a personality who is male in a female body, or female in a male body.

Try understanding each other. Try writing to one another, and coming to a compromise, or it really could explode in your face.

Orientations

I’m here to talk about personalities and their orientations. It’s is one way they differ from each other. There are,

  • Sexual orientation
  • Gender orientation
  • Racial orientation

Sexual orientation can vary greatly personality to personality. One could be completely straight, another homosexual, and on and on it goes. It is normal for the personalities to act on this.

Next is Gender orientation. Just because your body is male or female doesn’t mean your personalities are. Gender orientation is one of the most difficult issues I’ve come across for the personas. One of a personality I know is male, and their body is female. To them, they’re straight, and get highly frustrated at the fact that when they’re hitting on a woman, it’s lost on them.

Racial orientation from what I’ve observed, doesn’t vary too much from personality to personality, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Accents can also vary among people. From an England accent, Indian accent, etc. They can also adopt mannerisms from other cultures, and consider themselves to originate from different countries.

There are many ways personalities are different. They like to be considered their own person, instead of lumped into what people want them to be. So if you discover your romantic partner has this condition, don’t try to see them as what you want them to be, rather, what they are.

Common Questions

I recently asked some people if they would have any questions regarding MPD. What would you say if you met someone with this condition, and didn’t know much at all about it? Well! Here are some questions I shall answser!

Mark T. “Can you tell when your personalities switch?” Why yes, Mark, we certainly can. In fact, often times we can choose if we want to switch, and even with who. Sometimes a personality with cause a switch, or a situation will. When this happens, you definitely can feel it too. Fighting it just hurts and usually doesn’t work.

Jeremy S. “Can you remember where you go when it’s not you, and do you have specific memories for each personality?” Hm, often times we forget where we’ve gone and what we did when it’s someone else out. Usually if we remember, it’s like a vague dreamlike memory, and specific memories? Yes. Usually this happens though when it seems unimportant to either the other personalities, or the one who has it. Also, you forget specifics. Like, “Oh, I talked to Mary Beth yesterday about science.” What exactly was said? I don’t know. Usually the one who was out for this conversation remembers it much more clearly. There’s also triggers. Sometimes a person is out and they’ll be doing something or talking about something and then remember their memory. It can be very shocking, and strange. How would you feel if you just remembered you had sex with a friend and you didn’t know you chose to?

Jeremy S. “Does it ever get in the way of personal relationships?” Great question. You see, we all have our likes and dislikes, this goes for anyone. You meet someone and they seem interesting, or you meet someone else and they annoy the hell out of you. This is just like that. One of my personalities was sexually attracted to someone, and when he tried to pursue that relationship while another personality was out, it didn’t go over well. Not just that though, but with friendships and potential romantic partners. Many of my relationships have gotten cut off and destroyed because a personality did not approve. Now, I may discuss this further, because there are ways to help this dilemma.

Bethany A. “It sounds kind of scary. But I guess you get used to it?” Imagine you got diagnosed with I don’t know, say, diabetes. It’s manageable, but you have to live with it forever. At first you’re a little shocked, or angry, or scared, but yes. You get used to it. Over time, it becomes second nature, like breathing. It becomes so apart of you, because it is a part of you.

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask, and I’d gladly answer them to the best of my ability. I may not have an answer right away, but I’ll do my best to find one.

Conflicts and Solutions

One common things among people with MPD, are their personalities conflicting, and fighting. It could be a general distaste for the other persona, or a fight over certain thing. If they just have a general hatred for each other, it may die down with time, but more than likely stay that way for ever. Two of my personalities, Raven and Luci, have always hated each other. They are both very dominant personalities, and very polar opposite. Another person I know with MPD only has one other personality, and they have a general hatred for one another as well. Rarely do they ever agree with something. If you don’t help the fighting, it can be very counter productive, and damaging to your personal life. I’ve noticed this is a very common issue, and what has helped is trying to provide an understanding of one another. For this to happen, you could say, write a journal to each other, one entry a day. You could also take up hobbies, find things you’re passionate about. Learn about one another. Form respect for each other.

It can take years for this to happen, but as it happens, life gets more simple, and smoother for everyone. Patience is the key to this, and wanting to understand yourself, as a whole.

Introduction: Inside Insanity

What is Multiple Personality Disorder? Well, that’s a good question. First, let me tell you, it’s not schizophrenia. I’ve heard that one many times, and it’s insulting. Another thing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re going to just randomly want to kill you. No. For the most part, MPD is a very organized thing, based on the need for survival. It usually happens to those who have undergone traumatic situations, in which they cannot cope. As a coping mechanism, they fracture, and separate creating another ‘persona’ that can handle the more stressful, and traumatic situations. Because of this, the personality is usually hostile, or appears to be. This has created the misconception that people with MPD are dangerous, unreliable, and a harm to society.

Multiple personality disorder is a very real thing. A lot of people dismiss it, saying it’s a scream for attention, but reportedly there are 0.01% of the population with MPD. As a person who suffers from this condition, I’m here to raise awareness. We aren’t monsters, we are people. We want friendship, we want relationships, and we want to be understood. Just like anyone else.